They put our dreams and goals out there for the whole world to see. Words and language patterns are powerful forces of creation. Careless language undermines our relationships, chips away at our sense of self and decreases our personal power. When our words don’t match our actions, we lose a measure of healthy ownership and control over our lives. (Become more aware of the impact your words have at “ The Power of Language“.) But lying - as with other careless uses of language, such as making false promises, or gossiping, or trying to sound authoritative on topics we don’t fully understand - has a great many negative consequences. We may insist that we lie because we’re trying “to be nice” to ourselves and others. We may feel that lying gives us more control of our lives: We get to avoid the pain of disappointing someone, of facing a difficult truth or of being the bearer of bad news. Really, though, we most often lie to make our own reality more comfortable. We may think our lying is for a good reason: to keep from insulting or wounding someone we care about, to avoid our own discomfort, to smooth over conflict or to make someone happy. How often do you lie to yourself (“Tomorrow I’ll go to the gym” or “I’ll pay off that credit card next month”)? See “ Little Lies, Big Stress” to learn more.) How many couples regularly lie to each other for fear of hurting each other’s feelings or getting into a conflict: “I’m not mad I’m just upset about work” or “Yeah, I’ll be home in a minute”? (Small fibs can add up to a lot of stress. How often have you lied, or asked your children or coworkers to lie on your behalf, when you get a phone call from someone you don’t want to talk to (“Tell them I’m not here!” or “I’d love to chat, but I’m late for a meeting”)? How often, for example, have you lied in order to get out of a social request (“I’d love to come, but I’m busy that night”)? Yet most good people also lie quite frequently. We recycle our cardboard, give to charity and generally try to do the right thing when we have the opportunity. Most of us consider ourselves good people.

Another word for you have to be good at